I know I have already posted something similar to this before . . . but last night, in a conversation with my good friend Kyle Bowman . . . it came up again.

I wrote the following paragraph or so for the upcoming Missions Convention at Northwest Nazarene Church . . . the church attached to the childcare that I work for.

They asked me to share about why I am going to Mexico this summer . . . this is what I wrote:

One of the mornings that I was in Mexico in February, I was asked to lead the devotion. I shared with them some scriptures that have been heavy on my heart . . . words that God would not allow to escape from my soul. I read from Isaiah 35, which speaks of redemption and restoration. I told them about my struggle with God's call on my life, and that I did not know what to do with it, since I left the path towards full-time traditional ministry. But that even though I had not figured out what the next ten years of my life were going to look like . . . I was 100% sure about the nature of my vocation. I knew then and I know now that my life is to be about telling the story of God's redemption and restoration.

When I left Mexico . . . I left knowing that I wanted to return . . . that God had awakened something in me while I was there . . . something that could not be denied.

So two months from now I will be in Jaltatengo, Mexico . . . spending my time with the Molina Family and serving among the people there. I am going because I know God is asking me to . . . He is asking me to give my life completely unto His service . . . and I don't have any problem with that. I long for my life to be a life dedicated to service, redemption, restoration and resurrection . . . I want my life to radiate the love of God to this world.

So that's my story . . . or at least the beginning of a new chapter in it.

Kyle and I talked about the kingdom last night . . . about how it is to be realized in our lives.

We are desperate for action . . . desperate to live lives that reflect God and his kingdom.

And lately, to my surprise . . . I've noticed this kingdom life is taking on a different shape than I had anticipated . . . but one that I am welcoming with open arms.

Be peace . . . be love . . . my friends.

"Uncle Footsie & Walter"

I think I have allowed myself to come down with "broken record" syndrome.

I have noticed that I seem to be having the same conversations . . . sharing the same thoughts . . . hoping for the same changes . . . with no evidence of moving forward.

Granted I may be making tiny steps forward . . . and the thoughts that are shared make a little more sense each time I share them . . . but I fear I am suffereing from a serious case of "in-action".

It was on Good Friday . . . at the third station of the cross that I felt the weight of my in-action.

"Thy will be done" . . . that is all there is.

I thought about it a great deal that night . . . and tried my best to flesh it out then and there . . . so it would not just become another fleeting thought.

It is like there are these things in my head that I know I should be doing . . . and it not the kind of should that is oppressing and that brings guilt . . . it is the kind of should that speaks life . . . that pulls me toward something more.

I have said on multiple occasions that I am tired of talking . . . that I want my life to be overcome with action . . . but then I just keeping talking . . . or worse, I forget about it all together.

So what is to be done?

When will I stop talking and begin to really live?

Is the time coming for me to be fully alive?

I know movies are fiction . . . at least most movies.

And in these fictional movies . . . the characters are not real . . . they are written by writers . . . crafting a story.

I am well aware that the character in the movie I saw does not exist . . . but people like him . . . people with his story and his pain . . . they do exist.

Pain like that exists in this world . . . gut wrenching pain . . . it exists.

There was one point in the movie . . . that I just wanted to tell him I was sorry.

Tell him that I was sorry that it hurt so much to remember.

Sorry that the pain cut so deep . . . that it changed him.

The depth of the pain made me question whether everything in this world really does have some redeeming value.

Whether or not light can be brought out of such darkness.

Whether all the parts of someone that have been broken can be made whole again.

I also wondered what being made "whole" again looks like . . . and how perhaps life made new may not be the same life it once was.

I thought a lot about redemption and I thought a lot about love.

I questioned whether my life speaks to those two things . . . whether they are something that I bring with me, wherever it is I go.

Cause I want them to be . . . to be with me . . . to radiate from me.

I want love to "Reign Over Me".

I read this over on Rose Madrid-Swetman's blog . . .

“More and more, the desire grows in me simply to walk around, greet people, enter their homes, sit on their doorsteps, play ball, throw water, and be known as someone who wants to live with them. It is a privilege to have the time to practice this simple ministry of presence. Still, it is not as simple as it seems. My own desire to be useful, to do something significant, or to be part of some impressive project is so strong that soon my time is taken up by meetings, conferences, study groups, and workshops that prevent me from walking the streets. It is difficult not to have plans, not to organize people around an urgent cause, and not to feel that you are working directly for social progress. But I wonder more and more if the first thing shouldn’t be to know people by name, to eat and drink with them, to listen to their stories and tell your own, and to let them know with words, handshakes, and hugs that you do not simply like them, but truly love them.”
- Henri Nouwen

Presence . . . I have so much left to learn.