You cannot move forward when you are constantly looking back. That is some age old wisdom, that most would consider common sense. It was good to be reminded of it tonight. I know there is value in looking back and understanding where you have come from, being able to recognize how you have changed and where life has taken you, however the past is not the only factor in forming the future.

I am excited about the possibility of getting an education . . . learning is pretty darn cool.

I want to be follow Jesus better . . . I need to convert my "wanting" into action.

I better get on that.

Today was a big day. I said goodbye to a new friend, saw the Wiggles live and spent the remainder of the evening sharing a meal and movie with Kerri & Debby.
The week is almost over and I am more than ready for the weekend. It has been a busy week, lots of stuff happening and too many thoughts to process.

All in all it has been a descent week and I have once again been reminded that my life is filled with amazing people . . . truly amazing.

Peace.

So my post yesterday was not all that happy and motivational I know, but those were the thoughts that were floating around in my head and it was good for me to get them out. With all that said, I am okay with it all. I am okay with the things that are still a work in progess, I want to hang in there and I want to grow. Yeah, sometimes life is frustrating, and sometimes it is hard to just stick it out, but that doesn't mean I am going to give up and walk away. This life and the people in it are worth way to much to me . . . this is worth the long haul to me.

Period.

Different?

I have a friend who is setting off on a new adventure in the coming weeks. I suppose I don't know her all that well, we have worked together for the last eight months, but I think we only started talking two or three months ago. In a couple of weeks she is leaving behind her life in Columbus and heading out west to Portland, Oregon. And though I have only really known her for a few months, I really do believe I am going to miss her.

The adventure she is heading off on, is similar to the one I embarked on almost a year ago. She is headed out to a place she has only been once, she has not found a place to live or work quite yet. But she is going, cause she's knows that is what she needs to do right now. Sure, my situation was a little different, I came out here because I wanted to be a part of a community of people that followed Jesus called the Landing Place. And so I knew I was not alone in my journey here. But like my friend, I had to start over, create a new life, find out who I was among a new group of people, in a place that held no history or comfort for me. And that was not easy . . . and in some ways I am still in doing all of that a year later.

My friends imminent departure has made me reflect quite a bit on my own journey. There are still days when I pause for a moment and look at my life and wonder how it is I got here and what exactly is it that I am doing. There are days when I get frustrated with the lack of connection I feel . . . feeling as though it might just be impossible to create a history here. A lot times the relationships in my life feel inconsistent . . . sporadically mixed in with the to-do list of every day life. Sometimes I feel like there should just be more, since I have been here almost 365 days. But there is not. Life is what it is and the days keep moving forward, and there always seems to be something to do or get done, and my life carries on.

It is not easy, living this life, sometimes it is pretty damn hard. Sometimes things don't work out they you want them to. Maybe that is why it is not all that smart to expect things from life, cause you will inevitably be disappointed.

Do I sometimes wish my life here was different than it is? Sure. But I don't regret my decision to move here . . . and I hope my friend does not regret hers.

"I've got a hunger twisting my stomach into knots."

As of late . . .

I took the Bell girls to see "The Perfect Man" today, you know the movie with Hilary Duff and Heather Locklear. And as pathetic as this is about sound, it actually inspired/motivated me to blog more.

So I know most of my posts lately have been random and not really about my life. Granted they have been about things I was thinking about, good quotes I read or songs that really hit me at the moment, but there has not been a lot of real life.

So here is my real life as of late :

• I am considering going back to school. After a year of thinking and praying, I believe I have come back to something I thought I left behind. Except this time it looks and feels so much different. I am waiting to hear back about transcript & program evaluations. Once all that comes back, I will know more about what I am doing. For right now I am in the "wait & see" mode.
  
• Work has been wearing me out lately. I did two early mornings this week (granted they were only a half-hour earlier than usual, but being their at 6am just feels that much more exhausting) and I was more than ready for my work week to be done when 12:30pm came around on Friday.
• In July I went out of the state twice. I traveled to Boston over July 4th weekend (which I blogged briefly about) and a couple of weeks after that I took a mini-vacation to NY to spend time with my family and all see some friends in PA during my travels. The time in NY was good . . . definetly felt different, but good nonetheless. I am not sure when I will be heading out of state again. I hope to go and visit my friend Christa and her new baby within the next month or so.
  
• Riley turns four on Tuesday. It is crazy to think I met him the week before his third birthday. Time has passed rather quickly this year . . . but at the same time it feels like an eternity has passed since last summer. Riley Stetler is one really cool kid and I am super glad that I get to share life with him . . . even if he tells me all the time about all the "unhealthy choices" I am making. Happy Birthday Riley!
• I have enjoyed spending more time at 64 King as of late. Hanging out there on Monday, Wednesday & Friday afternoons as Micah naps is really nifty. It is cool seeing all the people that come in and out of the doors of 64 King (and the fabulous people who live there as well). I especially enjoyed hanging out there yesterday afternoon with Amy and Mark, they are just good people to be around.
• I am currently listening to Transatlanticism by Death Cab for Cutie, a song I have been listening to quite a bit over the last few months. Not sure why it has been resonating with me so much lately, but it has. So I keep listening to it. It is on this playlist I made on my Itunes, entitled "Welcome to My Life". Death Cab is joined by the likes of Keane, Polyphonic Spree, Sarah McLachlan, Anna Nalick, Howie Day, Semisonic and a few assorted others.
• Today is my really good friend John's 35th Birthday and I think my second cousin Michael turns four today too. Happy Birthday's all around.
• Life only moves forward . . . there is no rewind or going back . . . you can only move on.

So there are some brief updates. I hope to be a little more consistent in my blogging endeavors in the days and weeks to come.

Peace to you and yours today.

Your life is awaiting you . . . go and live it.

"May God break my heart so completely that the whole world falls in."
~Mother Theresa~