Becoming . . .

Some thoughts from the last reading we had in Underground Seminary from the book "Becoming Anabaptist"

"The meaning of church as a community is not limited simply to the free association of consenting adults after they recognize their parallel but individual experience of salvation. The reconciled relationship between individuals, made visible by their linkage in the church, is Godgiven - a product of grace. Religion is not simply the story of "my personal salvation and my religious history." Reconciliation between individuals belongs as much to the essence of salvation as does reconciliation to God: the two dimensions are inseperable."

" For too much of American Protestantismm, the existence of the church is not integral to salvation, but is a group of persons already saved, who in recognitiion of their salvation gather for mutual encouragement and inspiration."

Strange

Today felt strange to me and I am not all the sure why . . .

. . . maybe it was the thinking too much before I fell asleep last night (which lead to a restless night of sleep)
. . . maybe it was the reflection I did over the weekend that caught up to me last night
. . . maybe it was identifying with the expression of someone else's feelings, feelings that I choose to ignore, rather than express myself
. . . maybe it is the lack of conversation I have had with people this week
. . . maybe it is me reacting to my enviroment
. . . maybe I just feel more distant
. . . maybe I am a little scared about what it is I need to be doing
. . . maybe I have changed more than I thought
. . . maybe it is nothing and I just need to get a good night's rest and live my life tomorrow


. . . goodnight

To Simply Be

"To live in the wisdom of tenderness is to let go of cares and concerns, to stop organizing means to ends, and to simply be in each moment of awareness as an end to itself" ~ Brennan Manning

I want to be in each moment . . . I want to live my simply and fully . . . I want my life to be now and not ten years down the road.

May you all be fully present to your lives and loved ones today . . .

Lunch

I worked an eight hour shift at Old Navy today. Since I work so close to home, I was able to go home for some lunch. I arrived home to the privilege of eating lunch with Kerri, Riley & Trey. Kerri had made grilled cheese and yummy potato soup . . . it was soooo good. When I got back to work, I told all my co-workers that I live with the best people ever . . . cause I really do.

Seriously, where else can you get a hot homemade lunch and the company of some very fine individuals?

Nowhere.

First of Many . . .

Tis my first Christmas morning in Columbus (and I believe it to be the first of many). I spent the majortity of yesterday with Kerri's family . . . people who have become very much like family to me in the last few months. And I am very much looking forward to spending the day with them today as well.

I have a tendency of not being able to receive gifts to well . . . I sort of always deem myself too unworthy. Well last night to my very pleasent surpise I got to open a stocking with the rest of the family . . . a stocking filled with things (post it notes, the little tabs I stick all over my books, candles, lotion and Christmas tree cakes) that were thoughtful . . . things that were very much "me". And it blew my mind. There is no way to express the words and feelings of gratitude I have not simply for the gifts in my stockings, but for the presence of this family in my life.

I just finished reading an article by Brennan Manning called "Shipwrecked at the Stable", if you have not read it this Advent season, you should. I pray that the intensity of my desire to see Jesus would grow . . . that I would find myself among the company of the "Shipwrecked".

Peace to you on this joyous day . . .

Winter

So it is almost six o'clock on Thursday morning, and here I am blogging. I spent the last half hour trying to remove my car from the three inches of water, two inches of snow and coat of ice it was stuck in. Having absolutely no success, I returned inside to change (cause my pants, jacket, socks, boots and hat were soaked) and attempted to put the car pool plan into action. So as we speak, Haki is trying to get his car out, and I am wondering what the point of going to work is today.

On the news they said we were in a level three snow emergency, so I techinally we should not be even attempting to go to work, but with in the last five minutes we have be downgraded to the level two . . . .oh boy.

The most interesting part of the morning was hearing a distant crackling noise and then watching branch after branch of the surrounding trees fall due to the layers of ice.

How I love winter . . . and to top it all off, I am pretty much sick right now . . . and am not enjoying that at all.

But the best part of all . . . TOMORROW IS CHRISTMAS EVE!!!! AND SATURDAY IS CHRISTMAS!!!!

I will now return to waiting for my ride to pick me up . . .

I am not sure why it is that I feel so physically drained lately. I know I get up early for work and all, but I also go to bed much earlier than I have in the last few years. It is only 8:00pm and I about to head to bed . . . and it feels pretty pathetic. I felt pretty pathetic leaving gathering early tonight, but it was probably in my best interest. I have not been doing too phenomenal lately and when you mix that with being really tired, it does not make for good company. My hope is to try to make it through the next two days (take care of myself and sleep alot) . . . so that I can have a rocking first Christmas in Columbus.

Some highlights of the day include car pooling to work with my frienda Haki & Greg (though Greg did not make it this morning). It is a new thing we are doing. I have been bringing Greg to work for the last few weeks and we just figured out through conversation that Haki lives like three buildings down from him. So I bring the warm car, Haki brings the hot chocolate and Greg, well he just shows up.

Another highlight of the day was meeting Kerri's cousins (second cousins possibly?) . . . my favorite quote of the day comes from the youngest Mckenna who is five. While playing with ocean mat and sea animals she said . . . "I am a shark, fear me . . . I am a manatee, fear me . . . ." you get the idea. Maybe you had to be there to experience the full cuteness of the moment. I am looking forward to meeting the rest of the Line family on Christmas Eve.

The final highlight of the day was the gathering of my community, my family, at 2257 Summit this evening. I feel privileged to have found such a home in these people in the last almost four months. I am sorry that I was not up to hanging out more there tonight . . . cause I really love being around them.

Have a merry one . . .

Better Days . . .

I've seen better days than today . . . I am hoping on a miracle to pull me through tonight . . .

. . . I am okay, it is just that I have seen better days.

Only like five days till Christmas . . . I am excited for the new memories that will come out of my first Christmas in Columbus . . . I just need to keep my head held high till Friday.

Peace.

So there are probaly a ton of other things that I should be doing right (for instance reading one of the many books sitting on my desk or better yet . . . sleeping) . . . but I felt like writing about my day.

I just got home from hanging out with some really cool people. I had the privilege of having dinner with the Bells and Blinn. I am really grateful for the people who make up my family here in Columbus . . .

Another fabulous highlight of today was going shopping with Riley. Aside from purchasing him a sweet looking belt, we hung out at Target and played with the Polar Express train set at Barnes & Noble. I love hanging out with this kid . . . he is so funny . . . sometimes it is hard to believe that a few months ago I did not even know him or his amazing family.

Life has been treating me pretty well lately. Work keeps me busy and often pretty tired, but I like it . . . I enjoy the people. I also think I am finally getting back into my "reading" groove. . . . which is a good thing, cause there are just so many books and articles that I want to read . . . so many things that I want to learn.

In other news Christmas is quickly approaching . . . the chalkboard countdown upstairs reads the number "10". This will be the first Christmas I have not spent in NY with my mom and other assorted family members. I am not sure I ever envisioned myself so far away from the life I had in NY . . . but then again I did not really envision anything that has happened in my life over the past three months. As much as I will miss spending time with my family (who I am going to visit for five wonderful days in January) . . . I know that I am not all alone out here in Columbus this holiday season.

Well it is past nine o'clock so I really should be getting to bed . . .

Finest Hour by Matthew West

The king of contradiction strikes again
You said the last to cross the finish line will win
And the beggers will be millionares someday
And the humble ones are gonna have their say
Well all my friends are gone now
And all my money's gone now
And all my pride is gone now
And if what you say is true now

This will be my finest hour
This will be my finest hour

Well everything is opposite down here
The stong surive and the rest just disappear
But your philosophy is more unique
You say I'll be stronger when I'm weak

This will be my finest hour
This will be my finest hour

It's 2am and sleepless
I'm wide awake and restless
I don't know what my deal is
I've never felt so helpless
I don't understand it
I don't think I'll ever comprehend it
It's so hard to concieve it
So, I guess I'll just believe it

This will be my finest hour
This will be my finest hour

Practicing The Presence of God (Part One)

"What I wanted was simply to belong totally to God."

"If we only knew how much we need God's grace, we would never lose touch with Him"

"My God, I am all Yours; do what You will with me"

"He wants to possess your heart completely"

"We can never trust this Friend of ours too much. He is so good and so faithful not to fail us, neither in this world or the next."

"The more we know Him, the more we will desire to know Him. As love increases with knowledge, the more we know God, the more we will truly love Him."

"Don't forget Him! Think of Him often; adore Him ceaselessly; live and die with Him. That is the real business of a Christian; in a word, it is our profession. If we do not know it, we must learn it."


. . . more to come . . .

So for the past two days I have felt this incredible prompting by the Spirit to pray . . . and being the pentecostal that I am, pray in the Spirit (prayer language or tongues or whatever it is that you want to call it). It feels like this constant pleading . . . every moment my mind is still it is there . . . whether I was throwing out cardboard or sensoring jeans . . . it was there . . .

I used to be your typical on-fire Assemblies of God teenager prayer warrior . . . once you got me started there would be no end in sight. I could pace the sanctuary for hours upon end, just talking to God . . . sometimes pleading and others just shooting the breeze.

I truly desire that my mind and my heart be ever present to God . . . I do not want this prompting to go away . . .

In the glory of Your presence
I find rest for my soul
In the depth of Your love
I find peace that makes me whole

I love, I love, I love your presence
I love, I love, I love your presence
I love, I love, I love you Jesus
I love, I love, I love your presence


God, tonight I thank you for the chance to live again . . . to live this life . . . I will run always for You . . .

Good times tonight with good people . . . including my mom who is in town for a few days.

I think I have found where to begin . . .

. . . real, open and honest COMMUNICATION.