"I've known for quite a while that I am not whole
I've remembered the body and the mind, but dissected the soul
Now something inside is awakening
Like a dream I once had and forgot
And it's something I'm scared of and something I don't want to stop"

A year ago tomorrow I wrote this post about one my most favorite people in the entire world. A week ago today she welcomed her new baby boy into this world. I got to talk to her today for an hour or so and it was just simply amazing to listen to her talk about Callum and how much he has already changed her life.

Last year I wrote about how I would never forget the moments I spent at her wedding and now I will add to the "never forget list" talking with her about her baby boy for the first time, and realizing just how wonderful it is to be a part of her life, to call her my friend.

Over the last year she has remained that constant force in my life . . . for which I will never be able to thank her enough.

"Go ahead, push you luck,
find out how much love the world can hold,
Once upon a time I had control,
and reigned my soul in tight.
Well the whole truth,
it's like the story of a wave unfurled,
But I held the evil of the world,
So I stopped the tide, froze it up from inside,
And it felt like a winter machine that you go through and then,
You catch your breath and winter starts again,
And everyone else is spring bound.

And when I chose to live,
there was no joy,
it's just a line I crossed,
It wasn't worth the pain my death would cost,
So I was not lost or found.

Well the sun rose with so many colors,
it nearly broke my heart,
It worked me over like a work of art,
And I was a part off all that.
So go ahead, push your luck,
say what it is you gotta say to me,
We will push on into that mystery,
And it'll push right back,
and there are worse things than that,
Cause for every price,
and every penance that I could think of,
It's better to have fallen in love,
Than never to have fallen at all,
Cause when you live in a world,
well it gets into who you thought you'd be,
And now I laugh at how the world changed me,
I think life chose me after all.

~"After All" by Dar Williams~

"Happiness is not happiness without a violin playing goat."

Every single day of our lives boils down to three simple words.

Chances. Choices. Change.

Sometimes they happen in that order, sometimes they don't. But that really is all there is to it.

I am feeling the affect of all three tonight.

Good times with good people.
This was taken at Cedar Point back in June.

Family (however you define it) will always be more important than chocolate.

I am going . . .

I am going to wake up tomorrow, and I am going to go to work. I will set up the donut holes, cut the oranges and put out the nutri-grain bars. I will set up some fish nuggets, potato smiles and some other assorted lunch items. I will greet people in the hall, I will tickle kids and pick them up and give them hugs. I will tease my co-workers, exchange sarcasm with my friends and try to make others laugh. I will serve lunch and do dishes, and then put the dishes away. I will punch out, drive home and then drive to Micah's pre-school, pick him up and bring him home for his nap. I will finish up my order for work, while sitting at the table at 64 King, and maybe write a few emails or something. I will go home for a bit and then enjoy an evening with the Stetler's & the Pressley's. And it will be good.

That will be my day. That will be what I do tomorrow. That is my life.

I am going to wake up tomorrow, and I am going to go to work.

How Time Heals

A great read from Henri Nouwen :

"Time heals," people often say. This is not true when it means that we will eventually forget the wounds inflicted on us and be able to live on as if nothing happened. That is not really healing; it is simply ignoring reality. But when the expression "time heals" means that faithfulness in a difficult relationship can lead us to a deeper understanding of the ways we have hurt each other, then there is much truth in it. "Time heals" implies not passively waiting but actively working with our pain and trusting in the possibility of forgiveness and reconciliation.

Glad

When I woke up this morning I was afraid that today would feel like a really long Monday. But as this Tuesday is nearing completetion, I must say it has not been all that bad.

Blogger was silly, and somehow it lost one of the posts I wrote while in Boston. The post was about how though I still had some of the trip left I was pretty sure my hopes were not vain, it also spoke of how "amazing" my weekend had been and such forth. Anyway, all that to say it was good weekend. I am sure I could give a run down of the way I spent my days, but who is really interested in such information?

I would however like to share one of my favorite parts of the trip, but I am too tired to try to explain the dynamics of it all tonight. Maybe tomorrow afternoon while I am chilling at 64 King with Micah I will get the chance to write it all out. For now I will sum it up it all up with the word "walking", I really loved the walking.

In summary, I will use the catch word of the weekend once more, I am glad I went . . . it was good to be there, it was good to spend time with Steph, a friend whose presence I enjoy in my life, it was good to just be able to do it, to be given the experience.

Peace to you tonight and continued prayers for Palmer . . .

Choices, Chances & Change

You really can never move backwards. You cannot turn around and live yesterday again. You only get to make choices once, there are times when you only get one chance, and once something has changed it can very rarely go back to how it was before.

So what do you when you regret a choice you've made, used up your last chance, or have been left behind by change?

YOU MOVE ON. YOU KEEP LIVING. YOU LEARN. YOU MAKE BETTER (MORE WELL INFORMED) CHOICES. YOU TREASURE EACH CHANCE YOU ARE GIVEN. YOU EMBRACE CHANGE, YOU RUN AFTER IT. HECK, YOU EVEN CREATE CHANGE. YOU CONSTANTLY PUSH YOURSELF FORWARD. YOU DO THE BEST YOU CAN & WHEN YOU NEED HELP, YOU ASK FOR IT. YOU BREATHE DEEP AND FEEL EVEN DEEPER.

Sometimes change is gradual, other times it sweeps over you like a crashing wave.

I saw the ocean this weekend.

So here I am in Boston . . . lovely Boston.

I got here safe, sound and only twenty minutes later than scheduled.

I had some interesting facts to post here about this fine city, facts I only learned about an hour ago. But I regret to inform you that I have already forgotten the afore mentioned facts.

It is good to be here and I am looking forward to spending the weekend here.

Well I have nothing else to say right now . . . and that is a bummer.

Oh well. Maybe tomorrow.

Peace to you and yours this night.