I did a little traveling this Memorial Day weekend.

Friday after work I headed down to Ironton, Ohio to spend some time with Kelsie and the kids . . . on Saturday afternoon I headed out to Oxford to spend some time with Cathy & Glenn and the Vertitas community.

Both my visits were good for my soul . . . the conversations, laugher and simple presence encouraged me in big ways.

Thank you Kelsie and Cathy & Glenn for your incredible hospitality and friendship.

Here is a little pictoral review of my weekend :

Grammy & Maggie on the porch . . . Grammy is a real cool lady . . . I am glad to have the privilege of knowing her . . . and Maggie, she is just a super sweet little girl.

It was good to get to hang out with Canaan (who was not a big fan of getting his picture taken) . . . my favorite time with him was at the park on Friday (which was in Ashland, Kentucky . . . there by being my first ever trip to Kentucky) . . . we "raced" down the slide. Which basically consisted of him going down before me, me exclaiming "Hey, wait for me!" and then sliding down after him. I think we repeated that game at least a dozen times.

What you are looking at is some of the finest bread in the world. Kelsie made me some cinnamon bread from the "Simply in Season" cookbook . . . it was absolutely amazing.
I mean it . . . amazing.

The drive from Ironton to Oxford took me through some of the most beautiful scenery I have seen in the state of Ohio. The majority of my three hour drive was spent on back, winding roads. It was a slow and peaceful drive . . . I soaked up every minute of it.


Somehow I left Oxford without getting myself a picture with Cathy . . . so my photo representation of Oxford speaks more to their community . . . Veritas. This the cup they use when they share communion. I got particpate in their weekly gathering on Sunday night. It was awesome to share a meal with them (turkey, asparagus, mashed potatoes . . .) and be a part of their conversation. I have really enjoyed getting to know this little community over the last six months.

There are some cool things happening in Oxford these days . . . these are some of the posters they processed some thoughts on during their retreat a few weeks ago. They are now up on the wall in their "community" room, where they meet for prayer every Thursday morning. The kingdom is coming in Oxford, Ohio . . . you can see it in the hearts and lives of Veritas.

These are the days . . .

. . . I will remember.

It is a strange feeling to allow myself to flow with the current of life . . . willingly.

To not flail my arms around . . . protesting the direction my life is taking.

All my past protest . . . all it did was slow the inevitable . . . and sometimes bring unnecessary pain.

It is a beautiful thing to trust . . . to walk hand and hand with providence.

I may not know where my life is headed . . . but I do know why it is headed there.

And that my friend is something . . . it really is something.

So, I don't really have a clue what my life will look like this fall . . . and that has the potential overwhelm me with a tad bit of fear and anxiety.

But I want to choose to let go . . . to trust . . . to know in my gut that providence . . . that God . . . knows and is leading me.

Breathing deep . . . letting go . . . moving with the current . . . letting life wash over me.

I like this feeling.

Feel free to remind of this . . . if I ever forget.

Be Peace.

"No trite spirituality for you. I just know that
God is real . . . and He is not silent."

~Angela Bale

It is good to be awake and alive.

I spent a beautiful weekend in New York with my family and some old friends.

I think I learn to love and appreciate my family more every time I see them.

There was nothing out of the ordinary about the visit . . . which is comforting in a way.

I am really lucky person . . . my life is filled with beautiful people . . . in New York, Pennsylvania, Colorado and here in Ohio . . . I am loved . . . I don't think I could really ask for anything more.

A month from today I will be returning to NY as I prepare to leave for Mexico.

The time is passing quickly . . . some days too quickly.

I think I am ready (though I am sure my spanish needs some help) . . . but as much as I am ready to be there . . . I will miss here.

I know I am about to be incredibly vague . . . but that is because this post is mostly for me . . . because I wanted to document what I am feeling in this moment.

So I can come back and look at . . . and maybe some day learn from it.

I am bit heavy with dissappointment right now.

My feeble attempts to discern fault and/or responsbility have yielded nothing but frustration.

I hate feeling like I screwed something up . . . like I failed.

But yet at the same time . . . it almost had to happen.

Like this is the only way I would have allowed myself to be released.

Part of me wishes this release did not come at this price . . . that there was not this sinking feeling of anxiety brewing in my gut.

But what can I do . . . I cannot change what has happened or where I am choosing to go.

I am tempted to view the situation in the light of the phrase "cutting my losses" . . . but that seems so dark and pessimistic.

How about this . . . "it is what it is" . . . beautiful . . . painful . . . hopeful . . . hurtful . . . simply life.

I need to give myself permission to let this go . . . and I think that is what I am doing by writing all of this.

Letting myself know it is okay . . . it is okay to make this choice . . . to take these steps.

It is okay to be frustrated . . . even a little angry . . . it is okay that things end . . . it is okay to walk away . . . it is okay to move on.

I leave for Mexico in a little over thirty days . . . each day that passes I understand a little bit more of what it means to be going . . . and what it means to be leaving.

Only by the grace of God, go I.

On August 24th 2006 I wrote the following :

"The analogy for the day . . . this is going to be like throwing up . . . eventually I will feel better."

I think I am being asked to let it go . . .

. . . so I am letting it go.

In this photograph I am thirteen years old . . . it was taken in August of 1997.

The hat I am wearing in the picture was the first hat that I wore constantly . . . I think I wore it every chance I could for three or four years straight. Essentially it was the beginning of era where "Jen-Leonard" always wore a hat. It was a simple hat . . . navy blue with a tan brim . . . I think I bought it at Bradlee's (a local department store) . . . if I still had it . . . I probably wouldn't deem it "cool" enough to wear.

The jersey I have on is from my Uncle Kenny's softball team . . . my dad's brother in law. I spent some of my spring breaks down on Long Island with him and my Aunt Linda.

I am being put in choke hold by my friend Angelo Sarna . . . he has a twin brother named Billy . . . I was friends with them for most of my teenager years. They are from a town in New York called Brewster. I met them through different sectional (Hudson Valley of the A/G) activities . . . the first being Bible Quiz . . . which was basically the center of my life back in my youth.

We are in the basement of the Carmel American Legion . . . where I attended my first local AIM (Ambassodors in Mission) trip. I, along with about 30 other teenagers from the Hudson Valley were helping the Carmel A/G church with some evangelism and children's activities.

I met a lot of cool people on that trip . . . made some really neat connections that lasted throughout middle and high school . . . some that I even still know now.

It was on this trip that I first met Pastor John Jackson . . . whose family would eventually play a very significant role in my life.

This trip was four months after my first youth convention . . . where I "felt the call of God" into full time ministry . . . at this point in my life I wanted nothing else but to become a youth pastor and eventually a missionary.

God was my life . . . there was nothing else.

It is hard to believe that this picture . . . this part of my life . . . was almost ten years ago.

Photographs can remind you of stories that you thought you had forgotten.

They remind you of the life you once lived . . . what you thought you would become.

A single photo has the potential to reveal what your everything was . . . is . . . could be.

It can tell the story of what your life was centered around . . . who or what was the world to you.

Photographs can represent seasons . . . a period of time in your life . . . when you thought you were going to be this one person . . . possibly forever.

You would have had certain dreams . . . desires . . . ambitions . . . certain things you were sure your heart was telling you to do.

But now . . . maybe those things are different . . . the things you dreamed of when you were 12 . . . maybe not be your dreams at 23.

And I know this is the case for me.

So I decided to take sometime to look back . . . to look at a particular photograph and think about who I was then . . . who I wanted to become.

Here I go . . .

When I moved to Columbus . . . the reasons I thought I was coming for . . . did not end up being the reasons that I stayed.

And the reasons that I stayed for, over two and a half years ago . . . are not the reasons I am here now.

In all my thinking and planning . . . I don't think I could ever pegged how this was going to turn out . . . the shape my life would take here in Columbus.

And I'm alright with that . . . in fact I am actually kind of happy about it.

My life and the way I choose to follow Jesus have undergone this radical and beautiful transformation during my time thus far in Columbus.

And I like where I am at . . . I like the things that I am getting excited about . . . I like the direction I am taking my life.

I like that I feel like I am finally coming alive again . . . after feeling lost and a little dead for so long.

I am coming into the resurrection that I have been searching and longing for.

It was my time in Mexico that made me realize that it was really possible for me to be alive again.

And a conversation I had last night . . . that encouraged me to continue in the direction I am heading.

I leave for Chiapas in forty-five or so days . . .


"I'm alive . . . I'm alive . . . I'm alive"