Yesterday was the first time I had been there in over six months.

I drive past that place every day on the way to work . . . but have not been since the day after Mandy & Fez got married.

I don't think I have quite figured out why it is I go there . . . I am sure I could attempt to name a bunch of different reasons . . . and though they would all be appropriate . . . none of them would really fit.

I went after I got off work yesterday and just sat there on the grass.

Sat there and remembered that day . . . the tent that surrounded the area . . . the casket . . . all of the people . . . the tears . . . the disbelief.

I ran through a couple of dozen "what if's" . . . questioning how things would be different . . . how I would be different.

There is no doubt that I miss him . . . no doubt as to how his life and his death have impacted my little world.

I spent a lot of today thinking about the kingdom.

I listened to a few lectures that Mark gave for Underground Seminary . . . he was such a passionate teacher.

I wish he was still here to teach me . . . I feel as though I have so much left to learn.

My head has the potential to be spinning in circles right now . . . there are so many thoughts . . . so many memories . . . so many questions.

But in the end . . . I know that I miss him . . . and that the fact that it has been an entire year . . . it just does not seem possible.

At the memorial service, I said that I would never take this life for granted . . . this life given to me by Mark Palmer, when he asked me to move her over two and a half years ago.

I hope I have held true to that statement . . . this life . . . this community is a beautiful gift . . . that I would not know if it weren't for Mark.

One year.

"It happened so quickly . . . after taking so long."