Losing Battle . . .

Everyday it feels like I am fighting a losing battle inside my head . . . I am sure I have been given a thousand chances a day to speak my mind . . . and I don't .

My wise friend Glenn told me this last night . . .

"but i think, that anywhere... idk.. for me.. it feels like you can trust them.. if that makes anysense at all.. lol.. i dont realy kno how i can say that, since i neither kno them or much about them... but like to be on this road, the few people you can meet that will understand where you are, because they have been there themselves, you gotta hold onto that, and realize, that in opening yourself, they open themselves, and in that, they can help you more, because they know you better, and will better know the words that will help you grow further.. because it seems like this is what ohio is all about... growing as much as you can, regardless of the cost."

But it seems I am just so scared and cannot find the motivation or the purpose of opening up, except to ease the pain a little. I really thought I got past the idea of wanting to feel safe, but in these moments when I want to fall apart and not have to have a clear reason . . . well that is when I miss safety.

I am sure there a few reasons I can identify for wanting to fall apart . . . but I guess they just don't seem good enough to share.

And though I very much agree with Glenn . . . I am really scared . . . God I need your peace tonight.