Commitment

Just read a really cool article entitled Decisiveness (Thanks Eric). The following quote from the article describes a lot of what I was feeling in coming to Columbus :

"Sometimes you have to make decisions without knowing quite why or understanding what you’re doing. I definitely don’t understand all of the reasons why I’ve decided to do this, but then again none of us really understands much of what we are doing. I’ve got to trust in God more. I think he’s trying to tell me something right now, and I hope I can listen to it."

For the last two years I have been floating around my life desperatly wanting to be committed to something. Because I know if I commit myself I will be less inclined to run away. I need to plant roots, invest deeply in the community that I am becoming a part of. I need to be less transient, less able to just throw my life in my car and drive away when I get to scared or when things just get too hard. But I feel as though I need help making this commitment . . . like I need someone to hold me accountable that this is what I said I am doing and that I cannot run away.

The idea of commiting myself to life here in Columbus has been running through my head a lot the last few days (it fits right in there with people asking me how long I plan on staying), especially with all the time I have been blessed to spend with the Stetler's.

I think I have had some better answers to the questions that I have been answering with "I don't knows", I just have been too darn scared to admit them or speak them out loud. I also think if I could deal with my fear(s) that I could get around to being the real, self-confident Jen Leonard . . . and the whole adjusting to Columbus process would go much smoother.

I think there is a lot more to say on the idea of commitment . . . but I am not sure how to say it.