Awkward

Sometimes I wish there was more that I could do or say. . . but I just feel awkward asking . . . and at the same time I feel bad for not asking . . . I know I have been pretty bad at communication in the last two weeks, it just has all felt so awkward. Cause you see I really do care about all that has been going on, I am not sure that that matters or makes a difference, but I do care.

Awkward is a good word to describe how I have felt these last two weeks, I am not sure what that is all about. And I have to fight my usual "runaway" defense mechanism. I just know I am struggling with how to relate to people . . . how to talk to them . . . how to be open and honest.

I just don't know . . . but I don't like where this is heading, and it is my responsibilty to do something about it . . .

I'm sorry it was a long night . . .