Thursday

So it is Thursday, and a wonderful Thursday at that. I am some strange sort of happy, like I seem to be walking around with this constant smile on my face . . . I am sure it will pass.

In the course of the afternoon, I sat here and read through some blogs and I began to think about hunger. Growing up hunger (in relation to God & Spirituality) always dealt with passion and fire, and an intense desire. So I pulled out some of my old journals (before the blogging age) and reread the words of some crazy teenager who wanted nothing more than to make God her entire life and seek Him for the rest of her life. A teenager who wrote of deep hunger and passion for the things of God, for spending time in the presence of God, in thought, meditation and prayer. A teenager desperate for some self-discipline and guidence, for any aid she could find in this journey of knowing God.

However since the summer before my freshman year in college, my relationship with God has been in a season of intellect. Things are not so much emotionally based as they are based on a serious and deep pursuit for truth and knowledge. With the shifting of my religious paradigm in the last two years settling a bit with my arrival in Ohio (though there is still so much to be learned, so much to attempt to understand and work through) I am finding myself desiring to rekindle the passion and fervor that used to be everpresent in my pursuit of God.

For a long time all the questioning I was doing made me feel far away from God, like I was some sort of horrible Christian for asking the questions that I did. I was so completely guilt ridden because I could not force myself back into the Christian bubble that I was raised in. But that is all in the past I suppose. For I no longer view my questioning as a sign of an unhealthy relationship with God, actually it is pretty much the opposite. Questioning, learning and growing, is not neccisarily the easiest path to take when approaching ones relationship with God, but I have to know that it is worth it . . . that I do what I do for a reason, and that reason is the same as it was four years ago when I was this on-fire for God teen in high school . . . all I really want from my life is to know God to the best of my ability (understanding) . . . to love God and live for God with the entirety of my life.

That's all for now.