Tonight I find myself torn between who I was and who I am becoming . . . and in the end who it is I am to be.

My heart to God tonight :

I have been feeling a little lost lately. Most would say that it is because I am not headed in any particular direction and that my life lacks the structure that once molded and shaped my every move and thought. But I don’t think that is it. It is not a lost in which I find myself directionless or unsure of where to go. Maybe it could better be described by the phrase “I am at a loss . . .” . At a loss for words or at a loss for a desired emotion. God I am just so in need of You. My old vocabulary comes alive at the thought of using words like hungry, desperate, incomplete, desiring more, going deeper, going higher, being closer to You. It is true that I am finding myself more truly alive here in Columbus than I ever thought possible, but You are still the very source of my life, the driving passion, the sole thing that makes life worth living every day.

With so much of the way I think and the way I perceive my world changing I am desperately seeking for something to hold on to. Be that thing God . . . be the stability I so very much need in my life. I am not asking for the winds of change to pass . . . for I know they must come . . . I know that I am where I need to be . . . living the life You have asked me to live . . . I just need to feel that strong right hand of Yours lifting me up, to feel You standing beside as I walk forward. I need You to be my first thought of the day and my last thought as I fall asleep. I need You to invade my mind . . . capture my heart . . . let me be held captive by Your love . . . by the desire to simply be in Your presence. Capture my heart, be my focus . . . simply be my everything.