I often struggle with the fact that there is so much beauty in my life . . . but I feel so much pain inside.

The people I have surrounded myself with . . . the people that have chosen to surround and support me . . . they are beautiful . . . breath-takingly beautiful.

Sometimes its just hard to feel that . . . hard to trust that.

But I am slowly learning . . . slowly walking towards them.

Last week I had a crisis of faith . . . a crisis of life.

My crisis . . . my cries . . . were answered with a knock on the door . . . with phone calls . . . with a tremendous amount of love and support.

So tremendous that I have no idea what to do with it . . . I want to learn to just experience it . . . to feel the richness of it.

These last two years have been a long journey of faith . . . a journey I am learning has only just begun.

The ideas of "journey" and "process" . . . well, sometimes they scare the shit out of me.

But the reality that I will never be in this alone . . . it changes everything for me.

It really does . . .

For now my waking moments are spent praying that God would continue to raise the dead in me.

I am at a new beginning . . . I am somewhere in the middle . . . I have faith that someday there will be an end.