Before last night I never thought that the term “rich” applied to me.

I have read the Bible often throughout my life . . . I have read the scriptures condemning the rich . . . forcing humility upon them, many many times.

But there was never any reason to throw myself in the category of the “rich” . . . “rich” meant you a had a lot of money or possessions . . . and I certainly have never had much of those.

However compared to ninety percent of the world . . . I am rich.

Rich because I have the choice between hot and cold water . . . because I breathe in clean air and have immediate access to clean drinking water . . . because I own a car . . . because I make more than two dollars a day (nevermind what I earn in an hour) . . . because . . . well because so many different things.

I am overwhelmed with these thoughts . . . but they make too much sense for me to ignore them.

I hate that this feels like it is all or nothing . . . my passion for the things once ignited is likely to explode and what does that really look like in the context of my life here, in Columbus, now?

I cannot shake the feeling that no matter what I do it will never be enough . . . and that makes me want to do nothing.

This is not about carving out a time for a program, activity, ministry or weekly meeting . . . it is about a way of life . . . another great blow to the once rock solid worldview.

My worldview . . . the way I view the world in which I live has been shaken to the core in the last two months . . . more so than when I ventured out of my original box and moved from NY to Columbus two years ago.

As much chaos as the destruction of my worldview has brought to my life . . . I have found myself welcoming it.

Cause like I said . . . though it overwhelms me so completely . . . it makes sense.

Don't worry . . . I am not saying any of this to judge you . . . to question your convictions . . . cause those are not really any of my business.

This is about me . . . and what I hear God speaking to my heart . . . it is about the thoughts that I can no longer ignore or quiet with random "good deeds".

I am not trying to sound all drastic or "radical" and I am not coming down too hard on myself or judging myself too "strictly".

I am just trying to process what it really means to serve the poor . . . to be poor . . . to offer my entire life to this whole following Jesus thing.

Yeah . . . I don't know.

"Now listen, you rich people, weep and wail because of the misery that is coming upon you. Your wealth has rotted and moths have eaten your clothes. Your gold and silver are corroded. Their corrosion will testify against you and eat your flesh like fire. You have hoarded wealth in the last days. Look! The wages you failed to pay the workmen who mowed your fields are crying out against you. The cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of Lord Almighty. You have lived on earth in luxury and self-indulgence. You have fattened yourselves in the day of slaughter. You have condemned and murdered innocent men, who were not opposing you." -James 5:1-6